Friday, September 30, 2011

one step forward and two steps back

Well...the law of averages says I'm getting ready to have a really really big streak of good luck.  Lately it seems no matter what I do, every time something good happens it's followed by something much worse.

Had major exams in every class last week, my lowest grade was a 90%...a little disappointing but whatever, pretty awesome overall.  Then I get a bill from the school, the scholarship I was promised still hasn't been applied so who knows how I'm going to get this paid for.

Finally got a job, did all the preliminary stuff, was supposed to start orientation Monday.  Got a call Thursday, and now they're requiring the Missouri license they knew I didn't have from the start.  Here's an idea, tell me to get it the first time we talk and I could have had it by now.  As it stands, by the time I'm able to get it the job might not be there.

I've been doing a little construction work on the side with my uncle.  He had a little extra work, I really needed the money, so even though the pay was horrible it wasn't a terrible arrangement.  Thursday I went to the job, and it wasn't ready.  The person bringing the materials still wasn't there 2 hours late.  My uncle had left town, and was calling me every 15 minutes to remind me how to do my job.  The last straw was he wanted me to go buy the materials to get started.  Normally this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but he still owes me money for working from 2 years ago.  It sucks but I just can't trust him to pay me back.  Between the annoying phone calls, the job not being ready, expecting me to spend money I don't have to get his job going when I'm barely getting paid as is, and the fact that he owed me money, I did something I've never done before.  I walked off the job.  Even after the fact I believe it was my only choice, but it does cut out the one form of income I had.

Just to add one more log to the fire, I got a letter from my homeowners insurance that they were going to cancel me if I didn't get some stuff fixed around the house.  The gutters were justified, they had some spots that had rusted through.  The other stuff was pretty nitpicky crap.  Most of it hadn't been fixed because I was just waiting for enough of a steady income to take care of it.  In the end we came up with the money to do it, and I spent 2 weeks, roofing, replacing gutters, siding, and painting.  Nothing too major but one more expense we didn't need.

Fortunately, I still have plenty of reasons to stay happy.  I have an amazing wife, some wonderful friends, and no matter how much bad happens we always seem to squeeze out enough good to keep our heads above water.  I'm ready for the turnaround though.



Monday, September 26, 2011

The holocaust poem...


A time of war mid century,
Hell brought to earth by Germany.
World War II raged throughout Europe,
Millions lost their lives, millions more lost hope.
For the Jewish people a generation lost
in the fires and flames of the holocaust.
Six million died by fire and gas
in unmarked graves, buried en masse
to cleanse the land of their foul disgrace
and fill Germany with the Aryan race.
“They're not human!” Hitler would exclaim,
not able to see the monster he became.
Stories abound of pain and how
murders were carried out from Auschwitz to Dachau.
Though no people have suffered so much before or since,
no people have either showed so much resilience.
So we don't forget though so many years have gone,
here is the story of Pawell and Yvonne.

In New York City in '93
on a summers day as clear as could be,
walking through central park you could find
Yvonne taking a walk trying to clear her mind.

Why it happened she couldn't say,
but her past came flooding back on this day.
Having a seat still in her trance
she sat next to a man who by chance
was lost in his own mind strong and fast,
living out the memories of his past.
Two strangers sat close, neither one could see
their lives were bound together by history.
All through the night Yvonne couldn't sleep
and the shadows of the past caused her to weep.
No stranger to pain, or cause for fears,
Pawell woke up to the sound of her tears.
He said ma'am I couldn't help but see
the sadness in your eyes could you use some company?
She said to bug a stranger isn't what I had planned,
there's nothing you can do. You won't understand.
Pawell said I was almost on my way,
but if I can be of help I'll gladly stay.
Suffering alone is no way to be,
and you won't find one better versed in misery.
Whatever it is that troubles you so
I've probably seen worse. You should know
for everything you tell, I'll tell you something about me
so let's sit and talk in the shade of this old tree.

Yvonne wiped her eyes and took a breath,
pushing back the shadows of fear and death.
So many years had passed since she left that land,
the thoughts of what had happened put a tremble in her hand.
She said I'll sit and tell you but you'll soon regret,
you have never heard of troubles like mine yet.

Living in France back before the war,
no one could have guessed what life had in store.
Citizens of France but Jewish still,
forced to flee our home against our will.
Father went to fight, grandma was sick.
I hid in a convent and became catholic.
When all was said and done we were reunited,
though my father's will was broken, mothers spirited quieted.
We went home to Paris but our home was occupied
so we crossed the Atlantic ocean to the other side.
These things all came back to me so I was distraught,
now as you see you've not known worse no matter what you thought.

Pawell is slow to anger but a chord was struck!
He said “Lady next to me you have been blessed with luck!”
You speak of pain and sadness but you will see,
compared to my life you were bathed in luxury.
Born and raised a REAL Jew that everybody mocks,
unlike your converted ass I remained orthodox.
I watched the German army coming down the roads.
They captured my birthplace in Poland, Lödz.
Surrounded with disgrace and discrimination
while you vacationed in France I suffered humiliation.
While you were forgetting what being Jewish means
I fed my family by fixing sewing machines.
This is not all, as the Good Lord knows,
my bar mitzvah cake was coffee and potatoes.
Your life was not so bad as you reported.
To this old Yvonne hotly retorted:

You've had it hard I won't deny,
but you didn't have it half as bad as I.
My father was a prisoner but escaped one day,
and came back to me and my sister Renée.
Our family back together living in Grenade-sur-Garronne
waiting till the day that the war was won.
Then without warning the Nazis came,
took my mother and with my father the same.
To reunite my family then break them up again
when it comes to counting losses you just won't win.

In wild disbelief says Pawell
I wish my life had gone so well.
In 1944 I moved to Auschwitz
while you lived easy in relative glitz.
Twice reunited with your parents you said,
I won't see mine 'til I'm cold and dead.
You talk of hardship living in a convent,
to the working side of prison camp is where I went.
To an outsider you and I may seem the same
but while you may have felt the heat I survived the flame.
I understand your hardships but you should rejoice
that is all you suffered. Then with a shaky voice,
now it's time to leave you in my pain.
I hope we never have the chance to meet again!

How can two that have suffered so much
find hate for each other and use pain as a crutch?
Suffered though they did through the Shoah,
they had no sympathy for each other or a
sense of a connection, or of pity,
for the journey each took in life to reach this city.
What can this story tell of the human condition,
but that we all see life from our own position.
Who was right and who was wrong I cannot say,
when the two came together on this summer day.

Friday, September 23, 2011

High school reunion

So the last couple weeks have been very busy, but for a change it's been mostly good stuff.  Still no word on my scholarships, but the school isn't crying for money yet so out of sight out of mind lol.  There appears to have been a slight miscommunication between a couple departments at the new job, but it looks like I'm gonna slip through.  I don't have the Missouri license they want, mine is for Kansas.  The interviewer knew this before we even scheduled the interview, and offered me the job anyways.  There was a bit of a hiccup with HR, I told them that I have sent a letter to Missouri requesting to challenge their test, no clue if they'll let me but it was good enough for the lady to overlook it.  If Missouri doesn't let me I just hope no one catches on for 6 months, because that was the experience requirement without the license.  Either way, I'm finally gonna get a few paychecks and something to stick on a resume, and some excellent experience.

Every week in the ER the nurses are giving me more and more to do.  It's nothing that a volunteer isn't allowed to do, but after only a few weeks I'm doing more than any other volunteer chooses or is asked to do.  The people in the volunteer department were worried that I was letting people take advantage of me until I explained that this is free experience and education for me.  I'm usually the one asking for more to do.  Hopefully I can get even more involved the next couple weeks and use it as a sort of pre-training for my job.

The other big news from last week was my 15 year high school reunion.  I never knew about the first two, and I never had many friends in high school so I probably wouldn't have gone anyways, but in my old age I've grown more outgoing and decided to hit this one.  The other reason I went is because I have been absolutely horrible about keeping in touch with people.  Maybe I can use this as a chance to turn that around.  Turns out...I'm a hell of a lot more popular now than I was then.  Most of my old group of friends didn't show, which didn't surprise me at all.  In fact, the bulk of the crowd was exactly who I expected, the popular crowd, cheerleaders, football players, blah blah.  The thing I didn't expect however was how many of them wanted to talk to me.  I spent 4 hours chatting with people I never said a word to in high school like we had been best friends.  Denise even commented on my popularity saying, "I thought you said you didn't talk to anyone in high school?".  The reasoning is obvious, in their tiny teenage minds they weren't able to fully grasp exactly how awesome I am.  Now that they've lived, experienced the miracles of birth and natural disasters, seen some of the most majestic places on earth, they can finally comprehend the magnitude of my aura.

Or they think I'm funny on facebook...whatever.

So the reunion was 4 hours of laughing, catching up, answering "so what have you been up to?" 47 times, and an obscene amount of whiskey.  The girls that did all the work did a bang up job, the food was excellent and the room was the perfect size.  There were also a LOT of people there that had always been great to me, even if we weren't in the same crowds.  I'm not going to list them all here, but I can pretty much say, if I spent more than 2 minutes talking to you, you are one of these people.

Even though most of my group didn't show up there were a couple there that were the most important people to me back then.  A kid that grew up just up the street from me, Karl,we were always both on the fringe of the popular crowds, we fought a lot, but for the most part we always got along.  Angela, who was always as nice as anyone could possibly be to me.  We went to middle school and high school together, and she was one of the few that never cared what clique you belonged to, if you were her friend that's all that mattered.  Then there was Sara and Sarah.  They were best friends back then, might still be, and the three of us spent countless hours just driving around the back roads singing at the top of our lungs.  Sara lives in Texas now, so this is only the second time I've seen her in the last 12 years.  It was amazing to me that despite not seeing her for long there was no awkwardness.  It was as if we talked every day.  The next day she had to go back to Texas, and I'm not moving there any time soon, so it will likely be a few more years before I get to see her again, but it was wonderful walking away from the reunion knowing that I still had this amazing unconditional friend, no matter how much time or space separates us.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

You talkin' to me?

Well, not a bad week all in all.  Running near 100% in all of my classes but one, and that's still an A, high school reunion coming up tonight, and I finally picked up a job.  The pay is horrible but it's the ideal educational situation, PRN so I can work around school, and float pool which means I'll bounce around a lot and get to see how everything works in about every department.  One question in the interview caught me off guard, it's one I've heard before, but never expected in this setting.  "What makes a person like you want to become a nurse?"  This goes hand in hand with the more common statement when someone I've just met asks what I do and I tell them I'm in school to be a nurse, "you don't look like a nurse."

I usually kind of laugh when I hear a question like this, or use it as a chance to mess with the person and respond "what do you mean a person like me?...what kind of person am I?"  Which is usually followed with an uncomfortable silence and me chuckling to myself.  I do understand what most people mean though.  I'm big, ugly, and hell, I look like a bricklayer.  I also say just about anything that ever comes to mind, and being raised on a construction site that's not always pretty.  They are also all wrong when they think it's not a good fit.  I've always taken the harder part of the job, always stay after so someone isn't stuck working alone, or stayed to help with a flat tire, dead battery, whatever it is.  Most of the people that question my ability to help others call me at the drop of a hat when they need something.  They all know that I'm honest, trustworthy, and willing to help people, they just can't seem to fit it in the right context.

Now the people that have doubts based on the things that they've heard me say...yeah ok I get it.  I say some horrific things.  It's all in jest though, and it's almost never used to actually attack someone.  If it is used against someone, they have it coming.

Most of my friends and family fall into 3 broad groups.  First is the "you're doing what?" group.  They are the ones that just can't imagine it.  They are also the group that doesn't know me very well as a whole.  This group is shrinking as time goes by and they see Denise and I cope with some of her problems.  They might have been there when I told her if she didn't stop mouthing me I was going to chase her down with a strobe light, but more and more they're also seeing me when she isn't feeling at her best and how quickly I change from joker to protector.

The next group is, "That's smart.  You'll make so much money".  Coming from a construction family that was really hammered by this recession this view makes sense.  It's wrong, but it makes sense.  Without a doubt it will be a more stable income.  After a few years of experience it will be slightly more money per year as well. By the time I'm done with school though, the recession will likely be over or at least no where near what it is now.  Sure I'll be somewhat protected against future recessions if they happen, but it would be pretty damn silly to change to a profession you don't like just in case we had a few more bad years sometime in the next couple decades.  It seems to me that most of the people in this group tend to project themselves into my situation, and relate to the part that would benefit them the most.

The last group includes everyone I talked about in my last post, plus a handful of others.  They tend to look past all of the peripheral bonuses like the stability and extra pay, and see that I'm doing it because I will enjoy it and have the potential to be successful at it.  Granted, this group knows me mostly by being around Denise and I together.  They aren't my float trip group, or my gamer group, or my construction group.  With those other groups about the most devastating problem we've ever faced together is deciding who has to go refill the cooler.  The people that back me 100% in this have seen me when something is really going wrong.

One funny thing I find among all the groups is how departmentalized our lives become.  I'm about as open of a person as you can ever find.  I don't embarrass easily, I don't get worked up about little things, and if you ask me a question be careful, because I'll probably tell you more than you really want to know.  Even so, groups that I hang out with in different settings all have very different perceptions of who I am.  I guess it's no wonder that I can divide their responses so neatly between those groups as well.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I am a rock, I am an IIIIIIIIIIsland!

Well I'm not...but the people I'm talking about today are.  Not that I've never been compared to a rock...rocks in my head, dumb as a rock, between a rock and a hard place, and hard as....oh never mind.   In my younger days I was an island.  Kept to myself, not a lot of friends, and there was nothing I couldn't do.  I didn't rely on anyone for anything because I could do it better, faster, and I wouldn't owe anyone.  All of that was before the world decided to use my face for a speed bag.  Now that I'm getting old and gray I've learned that not only can I not do everything myself...there's not much of anything I do without help.

With all of this change in my life now it's easy for me to see who and where all of this help is coming from.  While my family has mostly been supportive, they really aren't in any position to help with much.  It's nobodies fault, and I didn't want to write this and make it look like I was ignoring them.

Of course, there's all of the little things available that I never bothered to use the first time around.  Academic advisers, councilors, teachers, and other students.  The first time through school I didn't bother with any of these, I just lowered my shoulder and plowed through.  This time I'm taking advantage of all of these resources and it's showing in my grades.  Several friends have also proven very helpful already, and a couple are even keeping me posted on job openings where they work even though we've rarely seen each other since high school.  I've also had every professor happily agree to be used as a reference for my job search.  As useful as all of these things are though, there has been 3 that have stood above all others.

First and foremost, Denise.  Bet you didn't see this coming...  Really there is no end to how vital she has been in this change.  During the time we spent deciding she would talk over the pros and cons with me, listen to me babble as my mind went back and forth, and spent a lot of time going to schools with me to select the right one.  Until I find a job she is solely supporting us, and getting her masters to boot.  She can help with my homework, lend her experience to my decisions and paths I choose, and who knows, in the end it may be her contacts that land me a job.  Her patience and understanding while I'm looking for a job have been nothing short of divine.  I'm ready to get back to work anywhere, just to get a little cash flowing, but she is the one making sure I find the right job, not just a job.  I know many people that go back to school have spouses that are unsupportive or indifferent, and I can only imagine how hard something like this could be in that environment.  Without her I know this wouldn't be possible.  I love you Denise!

Denise's parents have also done more than their fair share to make this happen.  Before I even started school they helped us out with some money, we had gotten about half paid back when I got the opportunity to start school 6 months before we had planned.  To do it though I had to quit working and commit to spending a lot of money on school.  Before we did anything we went and talked to them, and they said to go for it.  Besides the money they've been hugely supportive and constantly remind me why I'm doing this.

The last one is Denise's best friend Jen...come to think of it without Denise I'm pretty much screwed in every way.  I say that Jen is Denise's best friend, but the truth is over the last couple years she's become one of my best friends too.  Sure most people just kind of tolerate their wife's friends, but she's always there for me like we've known each other for life.  While a lot of my friends and family joke about me becoming a nurse, or don't believe I'm really doing it, Jen is right there to counter anything they ever say.  At every chance she's not only telling me that I'll be great at it, but why I'll be great at it.  A lot of times it's the same stuff Denise says, but Denise is supposed to say it.  Having another nurse tell you exactly what about you makes you qualified for the job while most people are telling you why they think you're not has been wonderful.  Love you too Jennypoo!

If I ever manage to get back on track and regain the swagger I had in my youth, and it's propped up with this support I have now, I'm gonna get a little payback on the world.  HEAR THAT WORLD?!  You might have knocked me down and stole my ball, but I'm coming back, and I'm bringing friends.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Mango Pineapple Chicken

Well, as of right now school is very pedestrian.  It's gonna be an easy semester so I don't anticipate having too much to write about on that front.  I have a job interview Friday, so maybe I'll have some good news to write about then.  Home life has been unusually quiet and peaceful, so what's a blogger to do.

Make some more delicious food of course.

Photobucket


This one is a super easy fix for those of you with a sweet tooth.

The Sauce:
1 cup of mango
1/2 cup pineapple
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
1 Table spoon of sugar
pinch of mint

Add everything in a sauce pan together, bring it to a boil, then reduce the heat and let it simmer while you do the rest.

The vegetable:

I went with broccoli for the color variation, and to bring something a little salty and bitter to an extremely sweet plate of food.

brush it with a coat of olive oil, then sprinkle on a generous amount of garlic and sea salt.  (you want the crunch from the bigger salt)

toss it in a 450 degree oven on a cookie sheet.   I only go for about 12-15 minutes here, gets a nice cooked flavor on the outside, but the inside is still very fresh.  You can easily go longer if you like your vegetables overcooked.

The Starch:

2 cups of white rice...I'm usually a brown rice fan but I don't think it would work as well for this.  I use a rice cooker but whatever you do to cook rice will work, once it's done add in 2 heaping spoonfuls of orange marmalade, and about half the juice from a can of mandarin oranges.  Stir it all together really well, the extra liquid should help keep it from sticking, then top with orange slices.  a basil or mint leaf garnish makes a pretty picture.

The protein:
Super easy.  A light rub of salt, pepper, thyme, and rosemary, on a chicken breast then cooked in your favorite method.  I grilled mine...but I grill everything.  Baked would be just fine, and I actually think pan seared with a little butter might be better than grilled.

When the chicken is done plate it up, drop a dose of the sauce on top, and go to town.